At least, this fact was met by the Mentoring Program Manager, Rifka Annisa, Indiah Wahyu Andari. Rifka Annisa is a crisis center institution for women in Yogyakarta.
In several cases, Rifka Annisa accompanied women who were reported by their husbands to the police for alleged acts of violence. However, on further investigation, evidence is often found that the wife commits this violence as retaliation, because she can no longer bear to accept violence from her husband.
“After we traced from the counseling, we assessmentit turns out that some of our clients who reported domestic violence were actually the impact of the violent events they experienced,” said Andari, in a discussion held by Lets Talk, Sunday (6/11) night.
“Then on one occasion, he couldn’t take it anymore and retaliated, which then caused a scar or something, and that was used by the husband to report his wife,” he added.
Conditions for Men’s Advantage
In this kind of situation, men are more often benefited by the situation and the patriarchal culture. First, men generally understand the law better than women, due to gender habits that give them more opportunities to explore than women.
The second advantage is that men tend to only think of themselves so that they do not use children as a factor to prevent legal reports.
“If her husband comes forward, I have no idea what my child will do and so on. He will tend to move on, never back down,” he added.
Another advantage for men, is the response of the police.
“(If it is a woman who reports it, it’s like being given wind by the police. If it is the husband who reports the case of domestic violence, it will be continued,” said Andari again.
First, when the wife reports there is a tendency for her to be seen as looking for trouble so that the law enforcement officers tend to offer peace efforts before proceeding. Second, wives tend to consider their children and their future. There is even a fear that if her husband goes to jail because of the domestic violence report, then he withdraws the report.
The tendency of his wife to withdraw this report is what Andari calls the “domestic cycle.”
“There is a honeymoon phase, a conflict phase, a violence phase, an apology phase or a chase back wherein the victim will wake up hoping to forgive the perpetrator, and then return to the honeymoon phase again, conflict again and again. playing around like that,” he said.
The tendency of women to withdraw reports to the police creates the perception that instead of bothering with reports which will later be withdrawn, it is better for women to take the peaceful path. That is why women should be accompanied when reporting cases of domestic violence they experience.
Female activist Myra Diarsi said when a man becomes a victim of domestic violence, it is the result of a situation where he can no longer be in control. In other terms, the husband begins to accept a “lawsuit” for his power in the family.
“There I may say, men in general are victims of what they do. The logical consequence of what he did in domestic violence, so that he did lose control,” said Myra.
Culturally, in Indonesia patriarchy is still dominant. There is no loophole that gives the patriarchy a chance of defeat in it. However, Myra assessed that in cases where the wife dared to fight her husband over the domestic violence case she experienced, what actually happened could actually be called a patriarchal defeat, although many people doubted it.
Indeed, in general in the discussion of gender relations, everything is not automatic or not black and white. Not forever, men are perpetrators or rulers and women are victims.
“In an unequal gender power relationship, violence can occur. Just that. It can be male, it can be female, so it is not black and white that the one who holds the power is male,” he said.
It’s just that, as with many data, in cases where the husband reports as a victim it is a form of revenge or as revenge.
Not Gender Neutral
A similar analysis was conveyed by Rachmad Hidayat, a lecturer at the Faculty of Philosophy, Gadjah Mada University (UGM). On campus, Rachmad teaches courses on feminism, social theories, and post-modernism theory.
Rachmad emphasized that domestic violence is gender violence, which cannot be seen as something neutral. Because of the gender dimension, said Rachmad, when men become victims, it is usually a form of retalitation or retaliation from women who can no longer tolerate intense violence. Women or wives tend not to report the violence that has happened to them, with various considerations, then take revenge.
“Well, because it is easier for men to access services, easier to the police, more comfortable with masculine situations in public services, they are easier to report. So there are more recorded cases than the women who attacked them, who were actually the first victims,” he said.
From a different perspective, Rachmad also noted that the willingness of men or their husbands to do counseling related to domestic violence was very low. Rachmad, who was also active in mentoring institutions, admitted that even if there were, men would accept counseling assistance because of legal demands.
“Because it is not very masculine for them to report, especially as perpetrators,” he said giving reasons.
“Sometimes, there are few cases, where the counseling is done because the court or the police forced them. It becomes part of the legal process, and usually men just run, there are many denial,” he continued. [ns/em]